Learning To Breathe

Kukatakan Dengan Indah

waa..yesterday download byk2 vclip, accidentally terdownload vclip nih skali. It is a song by Peterpan - 'Kukatakan Dengan Indah', album Bintang Di Surga. Peterpan is an Indonesian pop rock band from Bandung. tak minat sgt pon, minat sket kut, hoihh susah ni aku nak minat indon...tapiiiii..=) hehehe Ariel nyer muke garang bess (sgt) emm kalo die senyum sengih mmg tak bess

Kukatakan dengan indah
Dengan terbuka
Hatiku hampa
Sepertinya luka
Menghampirinya

Kau beri rasa
Yang berbeda
Mungkin kusalah
Mengartikannya
Yang kurasa cinta

* Tetapi hatiku
Selalu meninggikanmu
Terlalu meninggikanmu
Selalu meninggikanmu

** Kau hancurkan hatiku
Hancurkan lagi
Kau hancurkan hatiku
Tuk melihatmu

Kau terangi jiwaku
Kau redupkan lagi
Kau hancurkan hatiku
Tuk melihatmu

Membuatku terjatuh
Dan terjatuh lagi

Membuatku merasakan
Yang tlah terjadi
Semua yang terbaik
Dan terlewati
Semua yang terhenti
Tanpa kuakhiri

p/s: let just say that this song is not entirely dedicated to a person. rambut Ariel tu mahal (sile lihat betul2 ye, takde cacak2 *sigh)

Oh no...I'm giving OPINIONS! RUNNN!!

For the past few days, cam byk makan + makan + makan...=) me likey!
emm malam ni, time ramai2 lepak2 sembang2 sambil makan roti cheese nan + ayam tandoori. Byk topik dibincangkan, bertukar ganti, dr yg lawak sampai la yg ke seriusss. Then sampai satu mase, lpas memberi pendapat dgn nada yg agak serius pastu aku gelak, diorang pelik lalu tanye "apesal ko gelak diyana?" aku jawab, "takde la...aku gelakkan diri sendiri"..."sbb leh bagi nasihat kat org, tapi diri sendiri pon tgh cam tak betul lagi hahaha". So kitorang gelakkan la diri secare beramai-ramai...that's a point to ponder!

Things that made me think, things that made me giggle, and things which came out of others' mouth yg leh di-recall baru2 nih:

• pina ckp, we live with the consequences (pina, ni ko ckp smalam ke ptg tadi tah)
• zura ckp, mmg slalunye diri sendiri tak nampak salah, so kite mmg kene same2 tegur, ko nasihat aku, aku nasihatkn ko
• sha ckp, sume yg jadi mesti ade hikmahnye (ni shasha ngaku die nyer 'ayat sedapkan ati sendiri')
• apid juge ade bercakap tentang mase depan yg blom pasti
• jaja ckp kite akan pegi ke dunie yg lagi besar lpas ni
• fira, noran, aleen & diha tiade di mase/tempat kejadian tapi saje nak tulis gak name diorg
• ni pon leh pakai gak kut..we get most when we hope less (ni ayat 'the present' huhu curik ye)
• I still remember, my mom told me few years ago "Jgn mengharap sgt"

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749-1832): If you must tell me your opinions, tell me what you believe in. I have plenty of doubts of my own.

Edward Gibbon (1737-94): I never make the mistake of arguing with people for whose opinions I have no respect.

Charles Anderson Dana (1819-97): Fight for your opinions, but do not believe that they contain the whole truth or the only truth.

Tryon Edwards (1809-94): He that never changes his opinions, never corrects his mistakes, will never be wiser on the morrow than he is today.

tapi the main highlight for tonite is of course laa kitoang buat aksi2 lakonan semula tangan Furonda ANTM Cycle 6. wat lawakk la kite sume ni weih. Sape2 yg tak knal Furonda, sile lihat gambar seblah, die penari versatile huahahaha. Additional info, Danielle is the winner for ANTM Cycle 6 (hehe dah tak surprise dah =P).

Do women really mature faster than men?

ma-tur-i-ty (adj.): having attained the adult state of physical, mental, and emotional development; capable of a balanced judgement or response as a result of experience

• I'm not talking about physically here...I'm talking emotionally. To answer the question, probably, yes, in general, women mature faster than men. My friends point it out to me (by the way, of course laa, all of them are girls hehe).

• Yes, men mature slower than women. This tends to show right around the pre-pubescent stage. Girls hit puberty sooner. Girls come out of puberty sooner. Girls reach what we term "adulthood" sooner. Maturity is not based on age, but based on maturity level, the ability to make rational decisions while factoring in consequences on a, mostly, regular basis. The difference is an average of two (2) years. It has been known to vary one to three years and, in rarer cases, more. These studies loose thier consistency after the age of 20 (twenty), when the difference in maturity starts to shoot all over the chart.

• But, I think that men and women mature in different ways. Around the age of 20++, it's no longer a matter of maturity in the conventional sense anymore. It's more of a design set of common sense and how cultured a person is. There are so many other factors involving "Maturity Level", after a person is an adult, that it's not that simple anymore. hmmm...I'm quietly judging people around me.

What is my level of maturity?
well, i did a quiz (http://www.youthink.com/quiz.asp?action=take&quiz_id=884)
Result --> ACCEPTABLE. Grade C. You are getting the idea!
..i know i know..i'm not there yet *sigh [and i still love the child in me =)]

"Age is no guarantee of maturity." - Lawana Blackwell.

[disclaimer: if you don't like this post, go to hell.]

Girls Night Out

I just came back from Ipoh..it's 3.55 a.m, agak exhausted..gotta have a good sleep after this..the chronology of my day:

- Smalam tak tido cube abeskan wat FYP final draft report. =) Diha dtg tido at my room (rumetku pina balik umah), Jaja pon tak tido lepak di bilikku sampai subuh.. so sweet laa diorg teman (mwuaahs2).. borak panjang ngan Ja, report tak siap2 gak hehehe

- Then tido jap kul 9 a.m sampai kul 1 p.m. , bangun2 continued with the report until 3 p.m.

- at 3.45 p.m., gerak pegi FYP Lab Building 1 to print the report, gi Kopetro for binding, off to Building 2 to submit the report, met my dearie FYP supervisor Ms Mazlina, set my next appointment with her

- went back to my room around 5.30 p.m...pnat bakk + siyess lapa sbb tak makan ape2 langsung.. minum setin soya then tido jap. At 6.15 p.m, zura dtg kejut.. "diyana, kite gerak kul 6.30" owh beratnye mateku zZzZz

- at 6.50 p.m, Ipoh here we come! the 'dolls' - shasha, jaja, zura, fira and me. Shasha is the driver for this trip. the purpose - hit the movie theater! The Da Vinci Code & Over the Hedge. the nyam2 - McD & Coffee Bean. the comment - The Da Vinci Code wahh cam gi 'History' nyer lecture, otak korang sure akan memproses info secare lajunye, besss! tapi tanak la tgk byk kali.. Over the Hedge, muvi katun lawak, so bole gelak2, nice!

- at 2.10 a.m, dh gerak balik ke UTP... on the way, singgah Nasmir (a 24-hour mapley), kat situ ade playground.. so kitoang main2 jap, kisah ape pagi2 org tak ramai hahaha

- arrived at UTP around 3.30 a.m. penat + happy lalala Laughing and friends are great therapy!

Wow...It’s hard to explain just how good the friends are. It’s incredible, they’re verging on the point of just plain amazing. Sadly, it is our last semester here at UTP... There were more of them that I wish I could have seen, but, time was too short.

Good Will Hunting

Hands down Good Will Hunting is one of my favorite movies of all-time, and since I just watched it (over and over again today) I thought I would put some quotes up for everyone.

Sean: You don't know about real loss, 'cause it only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much. And look at you... I don't see an intelligent, confident man... I see a cocky, scared shitless kid. But you're a genius Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you.

Part nih berjaye wat aku nanges...bodo..

Skylar: What is your obsession with this money? My father died when I was 13 and I inherited this money. You don't think that every day I wake up and wish I could give it back? That I would give it back in a second if I could have one more day with him? But I can't, and that's my life and I deal with it. So don't put your shit on me when you're the one that's afraid.
Will: I'm afraid? What am I afraid of? What the fuck am I afraid of?
Skylar: You're afraid of me! You're afraid that I won't love you back! Fuck it, I wanna give it a shot! At least I'm honest with you.
... bla bla bla diorg gadoh lagi    
Skylar: I love you. I want to hear you say that you don't love me, because if you say that then I won't call you, and I won't be in your life.
Will: I don't love you.

damn! aku nanges lg...huhu
yg part "it's not your fault" pon sedey gak

dan yg paling pelik, camne Matt Damon leh ckp secare laju ngan dialog nih waahh:
Will: Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll give it a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. So I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never had a problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Send in the marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number was called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile my buddy from Southie realizes the only reason he was over there was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish to scare up oil prices so they could turn a quick buck. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And naturally they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what do I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president.

Good Will Hunting is very nearly perfect. Each beat, each actor, each moment is a brilliant, stunning gem. If you don't see this movie you should have your head examined.

Moral of the story: Do what's in your heart, trust in yourself, have courage, remember your gift, and most of all, follow the girl. ngeh2 =p

Mom

Mother's Day, second Sunday in May, today... for those yg lom wish, gi la wish kat mak, ibu, mama, ummi etc kamu sume ye. Most women become a mother by accident, some by choice. and a few by habit. huhuhu ini poem amek kat Internet:

Mom's are special people,
Who deserve the best, no less.
They give their love to you
Into their heart, you're blessed.
No matter what, when, or where
They'll always be by your side.
They help through all the troubled spots
And show that life's a wild ride.
They have an endless supply of love
With which they don't throw away.
Even though they urge your studies,
They show that in life, there's play.
Mom's understand us inside and out
And what us kids go through,
Because, even though it seems they're not,
They were once children like us, too.
Mom's need to be remembered most
On their special days of the year.
For they put up with us kids a lot
And for that, they deserve a cheer.

This morning, around 11 am, I called mak to wish her. Several minutes later, I received a SMS 'Hai tak nak ckp dgn ayah ke', I replied, then again he sent another SMS 'Yalah siapa la ayah ni.Sibok slalu'... hahaha majuk la plak, so I called him anyway just to say hi! lalu memujuk. emm I guess u can see the fact that my dad is my new boyfriend hahaha. In the afternoon, ibu sha dtg UTP all the way from Seremban, membawe lunch free for the girls yeyy! lame x mrase masakan rumah. While eating, she gave us lecture on 'jodoh' hehe aku suke la mak ko sha! harap2 sha pon will turn out like her mum... very klaka and a great cook! Thanks. Happy 22nd birthday Nazya! (fiena's boyfriend), hope fiena nyer birthday celebration next week pon bess.

Yeah, one of my dreams is to be a mother, having children of my own... wanna share this dream with me?

Happy Mother's Day everyone!

My Perfect Mate

lalalala~ the girls are asking for a new post... waaa agak hot la blog aku ni ye wakakakaka prasan2 di sini wek wekk... diorg nak yg controversy nyer post haishh... rite now as i'm writing this entry diorg sume tgh lepak2 at my room (they are turning into monkeys, sha2 ckp,cute monkeys hohoho), dah 2 nights in a row jd bilik 'jahit'... aku ngn pina setakat mengumpul duit duti hiburan je, walopun bising bakk sampai kul 5 pagi namun aku still mampu tetido lena diulit mimpi =) sayang koang wengurlz sume mwuahhs muahhs they are my sunshine after the rain

                           

this week quite happy2 balik... as long as no one push me + telling things that i don't want to hear... i'll be ok =) nanti laa, one fine day hatiku pasti kan berbunge kembali hehehe disebabkn nk hati yg berbunge, pastinye perlu diangankn dulu bunge2 cinte... suke berangan laa... yepp my perfect mate yg lom jumpe2 or the potential ones need to evolve dulu hehe, agak demanding di sini yer walopun aku tak la layak sgt utk mendemand-demand nih =p xpe lalalala suke

My Perfect Mate:

- All of my friends and family love him and are grateful that he came into my life.
- We would not think or act the same but our differences would compliment and create a balance, bringing out the best in one another.
- We would have fights but they would always be resolved so both parties end up feeling heard, understood, validated.
- Fears and insecurities would never be left unattended to or swept under the carpet, only to crop up later and suck the life out of the relationship.
- We would fight for the relationship everyday and never get lazy about it.
- We would realize that it takes work and would both be dedicated to doing the work.
- We would be unwavering and protective of the relationship, tending to it like a garden, pulling out the weeds regularly so they would not crowd us, take us over and smother our fragile roots.
- We would always remember to water and provide plenty of light so it could continue to grow and produce beautiful perennial blooms.
- We would be close but still give each other plenty of space, room to breathe and remain the people we fell in love with.
- We would genuinely like who the other person is, what they stand for, their character, their soul, even their flaws.
- We would never think, say, or do anything to ask them to change, tamper with their spirit or soul or make them feel like they are giving up too much of themselves.
- We would be above power struggles, control dramas, external pressures, and ticking clocks.
- Even when we had been stripped of our beauty there would be such a deeper connection that it wouldn’t really matter.
- There would be no distrust, dishonesty, or rollercoaster of emotions.
- Everything would be on an even keel, stable and consistent.
- There would be no guessing; we would always know how the other was feeling because we would communicate it without fear, guilt, or worry.

                                    

Deep down i'm still glad that the men in my life are great guys (my dad, brothers, lala lalala bla bla bla...). They are really really really great that sometimes it makes me wonder why things seem complicated padehal xla sgt pon. I love them sampai la rase nak lari (sbb takut syg+marah sgt kut) then betul2 lariii huhu i'm sorry. Pelik ye, ye saye mmg pelik. They are indeed different people, they view life differently and I adore each of them in certain ways. I'm still learning... i guess we are all still learning... (slalu doa supaye there will be no regrets in my life aminn~ korg sume pon doakan aku skali ek)

I Need a RESET Button for TIRED

I'm tired of all the lies that people were giving me
I'm tired of the bullshit and the greed
I'm tired of people who tell you they care but they really don't even show it
I'm tired of every thing going on in this world where I can't trust people
I'm tired of people presuming they know me but through the words I write
I'm tired of confusing what I want with what I need
I'm tired of saying I don't know
I'm tired of thinking too much
Don't ask me questions any more
I don't see things like you do
Until things resolve I will be tired of everything
Runaway from all the problems until they go away

Yes my soul will find the way back
Run, run away back
Come please show me the way back
I got off track
One thing is over another begins
One thing starts another thing ends
Again...
I’m tired of waiting
Tired of sleeping
Everytime I close my eyes
I know I’m missing something
I’m tired of wondering what I’m so fucking tired of asking
Always needing and wanting something
I’m tired of thinking
Tired of the photographic memory and thoughts that I keep

Staring out at the world with tired eyes
Tears, fall like raindrops on my window pain
Heaviness, in my heart holding me down
Familiar pain, my friend, once more

p/s - ye kawan2, korg ckp aku puitis, puitis bakk aku hahahahaa... bes ak? but i really mean it hohoho wengg