Learning To Breathe

Thoughts when the brain can't stop thinking!

I think that I think too much all the damn time.
Like rite now when I think about this sentence, it reminds me of David Beckham MotoRed Celcom ad with his line "What u think about when u think about colour red?" -- somehow I'm amused + annoyed with his sentence, uh he's good looking though, damn lucky Vic-the-robot and their children.
My mind is constantly going and thinking. There is hardly a moment when I am not thinking about something past, present and future. I'm definitely the deep thinker type who likes to kick back and break things apart, a lot of times it's good for me in determining how to approach situations, but sometimes I just think too darn much and also analyze the bad things till I give myself a fit.

Avoidance, that's what over analytical does for me. Yes, I think it can be detrimental. I end up anxious or not being able to sleep. In a way it's fun for me to think so much about things, but then I realize that sometimes I need to stop and just go with the flow. According to some people close to me, my obsessive deep thinking is unhealthy (Getting worse when my period is around the corner! Oh so true).

So here are some issues in my mind rite now:
1. Am I going to get my monthly pay today? What to buy? What to pay? I'm thinking of buying SK-II, all hutang2 birthday presents, stok barang2 yg almost abes..aihh byknye nk gune duit, tolon tambah gaji bley x
2. Work related: I want to finish up that 'Cost Estimation Database' task by end of today coz next whole week I will not be at the office. Need to do arrangement with Technical personnel for the task first. Not sure whether achievable or not but I hate to delay.
3. In sequence of the above, I will have to know the exact location of my VB training and how to get there, so that I can arrive on time next Monday. Da la kne drive jauh tiap2 pagi next week, x suke tol, membazir minyak itam + mengurangkn angin tayar + mengotorkn kereta
4. Why on earth does he has secondary handphone number that is similar to my house phone number?..now that I know..hmm after all these years..hmm can I just pretend to not care about that (D-O-S!) or can I buy the number from him ahaaa
5. Seriously, does.. wahahahaa better stop, it's 2 a.m and sok pagi keje!

:: Hoping to be able to sleep soundly every nite ::

Miracle of Life (Just Another Bulls**t)

Girls-day-out with Ayuni and Hane last Saturday. Hane siap ponteng dinner company kat MSGarden lak tu (huhu kantoi la Hane kalo ade org MTBE terbace post ni). Little-shopping and watched 'The Holiday'. It is a very swweeeeett movie. After all, the movie is for this coming Valentine hey hey. Owh not that I ever celebrate Valentine's Day, tak pnah ade ape2 significant memory pon for that day. I guess me and the ex-es were not a romantic pair (though I'd love to actually). Back to the topic, 'The Holiday' is starring Cameron Diaz, Kate Winslet, Jude Law and Jack Black. Walopun bukan muvi yg jenis award-winning tapi very enjoyable. You guys should watch it for little-bunge2-dihati hehehe.

Coming to a serious part though, I have a taboo topic: How would you view the love affair between single young girls with married men?
To admit, I am closely surrounded with those kinds of men - they are happily married, have children, financially stable, few years younger than my dad but have girlfriends as young as I am. They lavish the girls with $$$, nice outings, sweet talks and extra attentions...and I actually know the details as I somehow become friends with them. Jangan salah paham lak, plain friends, I don't involve in any of that, I just lend the ears and laugh with their (+ sometimes, sick +) stories. I don't have any issue with them as long as they don't give problem to me, it's their own life, they are old enough to decide what's good/bad for them. Whatever reasons for the affair, it's purely an ultimate risk especially for the girlfriends. Hohh frankly I'll blame all of them in the end. Drama drama dramaaaaa...

I'm thinking of preparing myself to be an 'Andartu'. Shit. Low point! Marriage is a gamble because we don't know what will happen as time go by. Secare tak langsung aku punye view terhadap L.O.V.E smakin teruk disebabkan negative surroundings mcm ni. I almost lost my faith in love, and being currently single is not helpful at all. But I still want to get married someday because I want children and become a mother (Religiously, it's the only proper way in Islam). I'll figure this issue out some other time. Malas nak pikir buat rusak kpale otak jer hohhhoho.

People, please be honest with your spouse (if u r lucky, the relationships might work). Though, I expect my man to be monogamous because I'm too greedy to share him with others ngehngeh. Even if I cheat I would come clean and be honest, admit the infidelity, apologize, you need not be such an ego or coward chicken. Betrayal is sin. Swallow the consequences. Yeahh I've swallowed it all. No point to be in irreparable defective relationship. Lastly, no regrets please.