Learning To Breathe

Breathe

I named my blog ‘Learning to Breathe’. I breathe silently while I read all my past blog posts. In a way, I forced myself to experience the temporary racing thoughts symptom. Look how far I’ve come. Awareness expanding. Hey, look Diyana look.

Major decisions made. Breathe the love in and breathe the love out. Painful eh? Pause. …Start again…Slowly, slowly. Breathe deep, missy.

I loathe my work, that’s why I avoid discussing it in my blog. Work becomes home, shit, I’m bored and am becoming a boring person as well. Do I bore you now?

Every now and then I dream of an escapade, a place to breathe where I could freely laugh, play and tease. Oh such fun. Breathe the love in and never let go.

I breathe fast now faster still. I just need to breathe life into my soul. Till u guys hear from me again…

“I Used To Be the Sweetest Girl Ever”

Trust me on the above statement, it’s a plain truth. Felt like the time to ‘let go’ has finally come. I’ve made peace with him - I called him last night. Wewww I gave up my own vow just like that. Just so you know, I actually waited, to think hard and long enough (6 months to be exact) before I make the call.

We talked comfortably as if nothing happened between us. I guess that’s always how we are with each other and I don’t know why and I just don’t fucking care anymore. A rather witty part was when he asked why I didn’t reply his sms-es and his call (eleh mcm laa byk sgt effort die, poyo, his call was merely like a miss-call je pon, ego!). I denied at first. He asked again, I answered with a question “Should I?” Perhaps he didn’t satisfy with my previous answers and asked me the same question again. I frankly said to him “I just didn’t want to at that time”. He muttered something right after, I can’t hear it, and he refused to tell. We laughed together and silently accepting our whole situation – our past and present.

9 years and counting again…Both of us are adults now. I think I want to keep him eternally in my ‘circle’, but at a distance - far enough so that I’ll never hate him. I understand now that pain is part of learning who we are. Let’s keep moving forward everybody! Burn to the sky, higher and higher…Baby can you play with fire?

Bath Bed Boooh

I spent most of my weekend ‘in’ my Kuantan’s residence. I choose the word ‘residence’ purposely because I don’t feel the word ‘house’ or ‘home’ is appropriate for this post; ‘house’ is too general while ‘home’ is too personal. So mengade eh =P. My body is being pampered nicely on Saturday, full relaxation achieved with shower and snooze. Felt like sharing my shower moment with somebody someday, I’m sure it’ll be damn good. Don’t take me wrong; don’t even think dirty OK. I believe bath/shower moment is very private, being ready to share it with another person is positively a great deal to me.

On Sunday, I followed Ayuni and Dhuha for an evening walk at Teluk Chempedak beach. Then we went straight for dinner at Sri Tanjung, Tanjung Lumpur. We heard that the restaurant is well known with its crab dish. We consumed about 2 hours to finish all those seafood. When the bill came, we were shocked, mahal nak mampos, RM126 for just 3 of us! We sensed the oddness, but zipped our mouth and paid for it anyway. In the car, we laughed for our blurriness (stupidity is a harsh word) hahaha, we should’ve argue on the price or ask for the bill at the very least. Even dinner at a chic restaurant would not cost us that much, even makan kat Victoria Station pon tak mahal camtu bak kate Ayuni. Thinking about the incident is hilariously irritating. Oh I don’t know what to say anymore.

I watched a documentary about the development of ‘The World’ located in Dubai. It’s so fascinating that I keep thinking about it every few minutes until now. Wowww

Nu’ Ya ‘08

Ok, look at your new calendar, now what do u do? …I’m counting the holidays (ughh bored with ordinary days already). I was at Traders Hotel on New Year’s Eve; it’s just a walking distance away from KLCC. Sha and I went down from our room at 11.50-ish to see the fireworks, while Noran was stuck on the road with Pa.

Gosh! Deluxe room at Traders is absolute fabulous but god-u-know-how-much we need to pay for the room? ‘Big thanks’ to those yg agak tabo, canceling at the very last minute. Anyway, I really enjoyed the fireworks + ‘honeymoon-ing’ + ‘Famous-Amos-ing’, looking forward to do this kind of celebration again next year. Happy New Year 2008 y’all =)!

Closer

The plan didn’t go my way at all. So I assumed that the night can be so far from romantic. I was not prepared. I even remember feeling very drained that night.

As we were getting ready to sleep, he showed me a pamphlet, the house layout that he’s planning to buy in near future. Overall, it seems really nice. I envy him for that. Together we went through the layout for a while…stated my preference for the kitchen, his plan about the front guest room being a TV room instead, I don’t like the shared bathroom between the rooms upstairs - he said it can simply be renovated, telling me that the kitchen is big, automatic gate, built-ins…etc. It was undeniably soothing to talk about that stuff with him somehow. I also want to buy a house someday (big affordability issue here). Importantly, I want to ‘make’ a house to be a home.

We talked a little more on other stuff. He started shutting his eyes but still talking. I stared at him - thinking to myself that I want to love him more, that I sincerely love him at this instant, despite the uncertainty of us being together for long term. Subsequently I continued with our conversation. He responded “What are you still babbling on? Stop babbling, go to sleep la yang”. (Lerr pulak, huhh, menyampah~) I pouted; pulled up the blanket, and shut my eyes. Then he asked “Why sleep distantly? Come closer”. I shifted a bit closer and he grabbed me abruptly with his single arm. zZzZzz. We slept till his alarm rang in the morning…

Well, maybe that can be considered as an effortless r-o-m-a-n-t-i-c-o